Much Has Changed

I nearly gave up on this endeavor again. That would have made two blogspot blogs of mine that died within the last few years. But I'm back. For now.

So a lot has changed in the past month. My girlfriend broke up with me about two Thursdays ago. She revealed that she hadn't seen me as a boyfriend in months, but only as a friend. She said we could continue living together as roommates until I found a place of my own -- and in other conversations assured me that she wasn't out running around with other guys. 5 days later I walked into the house at 7:15AM to find her in bed with another man. And not just any man. But a guy who she had met last August/September on a random late-night excursion to Steak'n'Shake. She was so enamored with him that she began having a "friendship" with him. They would talk on Myspace, text each other, call, and even went out to eat once while I was away with my family. Clearly the guy was interested in her and I said so. But she claimed she only saw him as a friend (later she would admit that she had been attracted, but just hadn't "seen" it so). I felt it was inappropriate and disrespectful for her to be carrying on with this guy in such a manner. And he wasn't exactly the boy next door. According to what I gleaned from his myspace pages and from my girlfriend, he had a long history of drug use, sang in an anti-social heavy metal band, picked fights, was a self-proclaimed sex addict, and even sneered at me once when our paths crossed. Whenever I mention my dislike of her talking to this guy she would get angry with me and say that I was trying to control who she was friends with and that I didn't trust her.

This guy also featured prominently in an October overnight break-up. She broke up with me on a Friday night - once again at a moment when I thought nothing was wrong - claiming she felt like she had no freedom and wanted to be able to do things by herself. She said we were too different and at different places in our lives. That night she called the other guy to tell him we had broken up. He was happy. The next day she came back home and wanted me back. I took her back. A day later she told the other guy what had happened and he cursed her out for it. At this point she admitted that I had been right all along in that he was deeply interested in her. Oh, but he would get the last laugh.

In December I noticed her talking to him again on Myspace. But not as regularly as before. Then again a few months later. In May she told me that he had moved away to get married, so I didn't have to worry about him anymore. But apparently he came back. I later learned that at some point in the month or so before she broke up with me she began talking to him again and developing a relationship. She had disconnected from me and was now investing in him - emotionally and mentally. I consider that to still be cheating.

So on the day that I walked in and found them together, I let out a classic tirade that told her everything a man in my position would want to say. Later that day my brother and I removed all of my belongings from the house. Currently I am job hunting and trying to sort through a broken life. I never thought she would do something like that to me.

I have the hardest time grasping how she could see all these problems with our relationship months ago, but never mention it to me. Instead she "tried to fix things" in her own mind, by herself - all while I went along as if things were normal. What kind of person does that? Who mentally moves on from a 20 month relationship while pretending that everything is normal and that she is still in love with that man? Who then brings that man - whom they supposedly love and care for - his ultimate fear by getting involved with another man who had been chasing her for 9 months or more? And how does this guy make her happy?